In regards to my last blog post, shout out to my boy Rex Orange County for the inspiration to write my own music.
So without further ado, here is my first attempt at being a songwriter. Possibly bearing my soul out here people…
It all comes to fruition one day, that honeymoon phase no longer remains. As I had tried to save you so many times, my codependency issues, truly covering up for all of your lies.
I’ve come to realize that the first time I looked into your eyes, I was facing my pre destined demise. I wanted to feel love so badly, as I needed that space in my heart to be filled. But instead I dealt with your never ending problems, and till this day when I look back and reflect, I feel ill.
Although those feelings of loneliness were not unique to me, my compassion was never enough to set me free. I wasted my time on a fool for so long. Endured so much pain, emotional, mental, whatever you can name.
[Pre Chorus] But as my friend once told me, you are only as sick as the secrets that you keep. That initial red flag should’ve been enough for me not to take the leap, into a relationship with a fraud, two faced cheat.
[Chorus] Always an addict, always looking to score, but that was my final bow, you surely can’t take anymore. Cus there’s nothing left as I am free, my heart, my soul, my sanity. Was this my destiny? To feel that I’d lost almost every piece of me.
The way things were, the way things could’ve been, but I finally came to my senses, to love me for me and this abuse finally came to an end.
Even though I am filled with such emotion, it really has nothing to do with you. It’s the fact that I put myself through hell and back, and no one even had a clue.
I was a master of disguise, constantly covering up your mistakes and lies. Too embarrassed to admit the truth, too attached to want to leave you.
Repeat Pre Chorus
The hurtful words you would spew at me, because of your never ending feelings of insecurity. Bringing up my past, always asking if you were a failure in life? The truth is you were, probably still are and will always be a lowlife.
All I ever wanted was the emptiness to subside. No person should feel so much despair that they’d rather die. But you and I both know, the addiction would always win. And I’d still be left in the dark, alone and feeling so at my wits end.